He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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