I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
