is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
