oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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