rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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