I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
