I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
