Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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