my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
