I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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