Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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