I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
