There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Green mimosas i think yes
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
