i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize