it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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