I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
