I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
