I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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