idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
