so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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