So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
