she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
