he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize