hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
