A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
