Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
