I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
