Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
