like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize