Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
