my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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