Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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