i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
