hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize