trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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