I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I have demons in me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
