I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I got her a Nickelback box set.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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