Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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