i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
