i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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