have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Randomize
