we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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