I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
