good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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