Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You left your phone here
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