I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
