Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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