there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
