I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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