i'm lost and i look like a hooker
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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