walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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