I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
