We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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