I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
