I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
