I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Why is your signature on my underwear?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
