I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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