i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
