Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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