You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
