dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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