worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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