I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
