whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
