I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We need a shit load of segways right now
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
