Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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